


Beyond Forgiveness

by InkRanOut



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Based on the manga, Gen, Spoilers, based on a tumblr prompt, short fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 08:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14304828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkRanOut/pseuds/InkRanOut
Summary: Ciel is being tortured by nightmares, meanwhile Elizabeth is desperately trying to help him turn back to his usual, happy self. But does her presence help at all, or is it only pushing Ciel to his limits?Based on the tumblr prompt:"You can't hide in your room forever"- Takes place two weeks after (Our) Ciel's return to the mansion and his contract with Sebastian.





	Beyond Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> This work is not spoiler free! Make sure you are updated to the latest chapters of Kuroshitsuji before reading.
> 
> All comments are deeply appreciated! Let me know if you liked this fanfiction, or which part you would improve!

The Phantomhive's butler walked down one of the mansion's long corridors, a silver tray with the earl's breakfast balanced on his palm and his elbow raised up to his shoulder.  
It had already been two weeks since the young boy's return to the big mansion where his family had been brutally murdered only some months ago. The earl -Ciel- seemed to have recovered from the incident, however things got completely different at night; he was constantly awoken by nightmares almost every single night. Whenever the butler rushed to his side to comfort and put him back to sleep, he usually didn't even recognize him at first. He reacted to the demon's touch and pushed him away while screaming at the top of his lungs.  
"Oh my, if Miss Elizabeth were to see this..." the butler sighed deeply. "I am quite worried about her coming to stay here tomorrow..."  
He knocked on the boy's door twice -not very hard, in case he was still on edge from yesterday's nightmares- and after a second he walked in, without waiting for a reply.  
Ciel was now sleeping peacefully, rays of sunshine caressing his pale face.  
The butler opened the curtains to let more of the light in. When he turned back to the earl, he found him already awake, sitting on the bed and quietly staring back at him.  
"Good morning, my lord." he smiled kindly as he walked closer to the bed very carefully, so that the boy wouldn't get upset upon seeing him.  
However, Ciel's expression soon turned into something far from childish. His eyes narrowed and he looked at the demon as if he was something that truly disgusted him.  
"Sebastian, why are you holding the tray like that?" he uttered, looking quite annoyed. "You look like a waiter. Anyone could tell you're not actually a butler."  
After taking a moment to examine his raised hand and the tray as if trying to remember something, he lowered it down to his waist and held it with both hands from the sides.  
"Is that better, Young Master?"  
Ciel clicked his tongue. When he realized Sebastian was waiting for a reply, he quietly nodded and the butler finally placed the breakfast on the bedside table.  
"Do you have any news for me?" the boy asked. "Where is my tea?"  
"I'll go prepare it right away."  
"How is Elizabeth?"  
Sebastian paused for a moment; that was the one topic he wanted to avoid, especially when his master was still so psychically fragile.  
"Lady Elizabeth asks for the Young Master's permission to spend tomorrow in the mansion, as well as to stay here for the night."  
"She does?" Ciel asked surprised. "Why would she-"  
When he realized that Elizabeth wasn't actually coming for him, the spare, that the one she actually wished to see was the heir, he paused; everything made sense now. Of course she would want to spend time with her fiancé after that incident. Her fiancé. Not him.  
Sebastian smirked at the sight of the child's troubled expression.  
"Fine." he finally uttered, even though it felt harder than he expected. "Tell her she can stay..."  
"I'm sure Lady Elizabeth would understand even if you declined. She knows you are still mourning for your family." Sebastian's smile widened.  
"No, I said it's okay for her to stay. I won't say it again. Go inform her right away."  
"Yes, my lord."  
The next day arrived quicker than Ciel expected, and found him completely unprepared for what was to come.  
He woke up to find Elizabeth sitting on a chair by his bed, completely silent.  
"Ciel..." she finally whispered. "Good morning."  
"E- Elizabeth... Why are you-!?"  
"Should I not have come?" Elizabeth looked slightly hurt, even though she had already prepared herself for the worst. Still, she didn't expect Ciel would actually push her away, no matter how prepared she thought she was.  
"N- No, I... I said it was okay for you to come..." Ciel mumbled as he slowly started remembering about her visit. "Forgive me, that was... rude of me..."  
"Th- There's no need for you to be so formal!" Elizabeth showed him a sad smile. "It's Lizzie."  
There was a soft knock on the door and Sebastian walked in. Ciel had the feeling his butler knew exactly when to come in, and for a second he felt grateful.  
"Pardon the intrusion. I came to inform you that breafast is ready, please do come eat whenever you'd like."  
"Mhhm! Thank you, Sebastian!" Elizabeth forced a cheeful smile on her face. She squeezed the edge of her fluffy dress nervously and after making sure everyone had taken a good look at that false smile, she lowered her head and stared at her knees.  
"Elizabeth, you can go on ahead, I'll be right there. Sebastian, help me dress."  
Elizabeth nodded and quickly left the room without a word.  
Ciel never came to have breakfast with Elizabeth that morning. Work came up and he didn't bother to tell Sebastian to inform his cousin, but the butler did anyway. He apologized on the earl's behalf and told the young lady that Ciel would spend more time with her in the afternoon, when he would be free.  
"I see... thank you, Sebastian..." she whispered slowly. "Then I'll wait in the room you have prepared for me. Please do inform me when Ciel is available."  
"I'll come tell your right away. Please rest for now, Lady Elizabeth."  
She sighed and walked to her room. Sebastian followed her to make sure she found the right room and see if she needs anything, then returned to his master's side.  
Ciel was signing some documents at the time, even though each of them took him a long time to finish, since he had to read them many times to actually understand what they were about. Next to the pile of papers to sign and the one with the signed ones was another pile of documents -the ones he didn't understand and put aside to ask Sebastian later.  
"Lady Elizabeth is very sad." Sebastian sounded concerned, however his expression didn't appear any less amused than usual. "I suggest the Young Master spends some time with her soon, or she might get the wrong idea."  
"Shut up. I don't remember asking for your opinion."  
The demon's smile widened. "I apologize for my rudeness."  
Around forty minutes passed. Ciel kept signing or putting aside documents while Sebastian wasn't speaking, only standing next to him like a statue, which made the young earl feel slightly threatened. He could handle it, though; he had started to get used to it by then.  
Then there was a knock on the door. A hesitant, soft knock, that lasted for an instant and then disappeared into the silence of the mansion.  
"Come in." Ciel mumbled, not taking his eyes away from the paper. Even if it was someone who had come to hurt him, he still wasn't afraid. After all, as long as Sebastian was with him, he would be safe from everyone and everything - except for the demon himself, that is.  
But the one who stood by the half-open door was just his older cousin. With her angelic eyes that looked sad, the eyes of someone who only wanted to help Ciel, a person far from a threat to him. The pen almost slipped out of his hand at the sight of her hurt expression.  
"Elizabeth-"  
"I'm sorry for interrupting your work. But if Ciel wants me to leave, I will. I didn't mean to be a burden for you."  
Ciel got up and quickly moved towards her. He wasn't sure what he was going to do but he couldn't afford to mess up and lose her now, especially when she was his important person's important person. That made her just as important to him. He had to take good care of her in his place.  
He caressed her cheek softly, even though his hand trembled.  
Had he ever touched her before?  
He... Ciel certainly had. So he had to do it too. Because he was Ciel.  
Her characteristics froze when he touched her.  
"Did she find out? No, of course not... how would she find out simply by this... there's no way..."  
It felt worse than he expected. He felt guilty.  
Why was it so easy? Why did she not question it? She fully trusted him and it made him feel horrible. No, it was the relief he felt that made him feel that way. He was relieved she'd believed his lies.  
"L- Let's play, Elizabeth." he whispered hesitantly, with an awkward smile on his face.  
After a moment of silence, the girl's cheeks turned pink, her cherry-colored lips formed a sweet smile - a smile only for Ciel to see. She placed her hand on his.  
So warm. Just like Ciel's.  
"Okay."  
He spent hours with her. He showed her around the mansion, had dinner with her and even let her choose clothes for him, which he then proceeded to try on just to show her. They were all clothes Sebastian had had made for him earlier that week and Elizabeth found interest in every single one of them. She had something to say for each and most of them were to her liking, even though "slightly too dark for her tastes".  
As promised, Elizabeth left the mansion the next morning. After that, Ciel's nightmares worsened.  
He saw his brother staring at him; he was mad; called him a traitor; yelled at him. And then he grabbed his shoulder and it hurt, it left a mark.  
Ciel woke up, quickly placing his hand on his shoulder; there was nothing there and the false pain he felt in his sleep had faded completely in an instant.  
"Good morning, Young-"  
"Don't come in here. I'm tired, I want to rest today. Get out."  
Sebastian flashed his usual irritated smile as a reply to his master's stubbornness.  
"Lady Elizabeth's visit yesterday has something to do with this, I assume?"  
"If he was here, he'd... he'd never..."  
"Never forgive you?" Sebastian walked in carrying a brand new tray.  
Ciel didn't reply. Almost having confessed his thoughts to the demon was embarrassing enough already.  
"Please have some breakfast. Not eating will do you no good, Young Master."  
"I said I don't need it. I'm not hungry."  
This time Sebastian decided to give up; for now. Being pressing would only worsen the situation. After all, he always had in mind that he could grab the child and put an end to its worthless existence anytime, if he didn't mature and get out of bed on his own. The boy hadn't violated any of the contract's rules yet, but it would be easy to make him soon enough.  
Right now he was merely going to be patient for a while. That was his specialty, after all.  
"I understand. I will not try to force you." Sebastian bowed. "Just remember... you can't hide in your room forever."  
Ciel quickly raised his head upon hearing those words, but Sebastian had already left the room.  
He could feel his heartbeat going up, and he guessed that the demon probably could, too.  
It was true; he couldn't hide in that room forever, no matter how much he wanted to. Sebastian wouldn't let him. Just a moment ago that room felt comfortable, a good place to hide himself in, yet now he could clearly see that there was no escape. Not in that room, and not out of it.  
Even his heartbeat wasn't something personal anymore, let alone his words and actions. Is this how having nowhere to run feels like?  
It felt a lot like when he was locked in that small cage. Only, Ciel was with him back then. Now he was all alone. It was even worse.  
"Ciel..." that name escaped his lips. Did the demon hear that too?  
He immediately regretted opening his mouth. And yet he couldn't stop.  
"Ciel... if only it was me, the one that had been chosen..."  
He stopped and took a deep breath, as if merely speaking was hard. It felt as if his brother was there, staring at him. Listening to him.  
"Then... would you have known what to do, when the demon appeared? Would you have taken the same path as me? We are both equally powerless, after all... I realized that..."  
He thought about it for a while, then continued. "Would the demon have appeared in the first place? If it was you, would you manage to summon a demon for my sake? I am but a spare, after all..." his voice slightly broke. "...that's why I did it for myself."  
Sebastian's words echoed in his head; "You can't hide in your room forever."  
"...I know that." he whispered. It didn't matter if Sebastian could hear or not. He said it, mostly for himself. "I know there is no escape. I can't run anymore. The only way to go is forward. And that's what I am going to do.  
Even if it's too late to ask for forgiveness, I will still reach to the end. Even as someone Ciel would hate. I will have my revenge."  
Somewhere in the mansion, a demon smirked.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Feel free to suggest ideas for my next fanfiction on the comments! ^^


End file.
